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"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
- John Wooden
This is a photo from the For You Network’s 5th Annual Gotta Have Heart Event. I had a great time and, from the photo, you can tell that everyone was having a great time as well!
While there were many other people at the event, this photo was taken because there were so many diva’s in the room. There are currently 113 registered diva's. Robbie Motter, the founder of the Diva's, started the organization to give women permission to be a little over the top. She says that being a diva is all about having Fun. To be a registered diva, go to www.diva-registry.,com. As Cyndi Lauper says, “Girls just wanna have fun!”
Front row left to right
Joan Rudder-Ward, Diva Diva #10 Photo Diva, High Desert For You Director, Robbie Motter, Diva #1 Queen Diva, also one of the founders of the diva registry. NAFE Western & Mid Atlantic Regional Coordinator, Fannie Green, Diva #3 Cajun Diva and also one of the founders of the Diva Registry and member of Corona For You Network, Gisella Thomas, Diva #2 Multipreneur Diva and also one of the Founders of the Diva Registry, and one of the Founding Directors of the For You Network, Diva # 75 Leadership Diva Lisa Marie Platske, Director Moreno Valley For You Network,
Second Row left to right
Stephanie Nelson, Diva #20 Princess Diva, Past High Desert For You Director, Natasha Flowers, Diva #96 Jazzy Diva, San Bernardino For You network, Ritchie Wills, Diva #4 Diva Queen Mum, Redlands For You Director, Linda Ornelas Diva #7 Diva Linda, Director Burbank For You network, Ernestine Branch,. Director San Bernardino For You, Kay Presto, Diva # 65 Indy 500 Diva, member Rancho Cucamonga For You.
Back row left to right
Ruby Miller-Lyman, Diva #33 Foxy Diva, also Founding Sponsor For You Networks and member of Rancho Cucamonga For You Network, Leanne Sabo, Director of Long Beach For You network. Lee Crowe, Diva #21 Diva Lee, Past Director Murrieta For You, Carole Sanchez, Diva #37 Diva Carole, Burbank For You Board member, June Davidson, Diva#11 Champagne Diva, Pasadena For You Director, Linda Cassidy, Diva #69 Investment Diva, Founding Director for the For You networks and also past director of High Desert, Evelyn Grey, Diva #13 Organizing Diva, co-director of San Gabriel For You, Olga Shinn, Diva #22 Grandma Diva, member of Corona For You.
Back row sttanding: left to right
Karen McCarter, Diva #47 Diva of Beauty, Director of San Gabriel For You, Lorrie Scott,Diva #016 Beauty Seminar Diva,and Revelll Revanti, Happiness Diva, Co-director of Pasadena For You network.
One of my clients who is an executive in a medium-sized and growing company called me to tell me he really did it this time. He screwed up. He missed a deadline that was going to cost his company tens of thousands of dollars. My response was probably not what he was expecting, nor what I think he wanted to hear. I simply said, "So? What are you going to do about it now?"
It happens even to the best of us. We don't get the client. We don't make the sale. We don't get what we think we deserve. The bottom line is you can't change the past so what are you going to do about it now.
I thought the phone might have gone dead because my client was quiet. After a few moments, he sighed and asked me what I thought he should do. He forgot that good coaches don't give advice; they make their clients find it themselves. So I asked every coach's favorite question, "What do you think you should do?" (I think that was my supervisor's favorite question when I worked for Customs, as well.)
My client said, "I need to apologize, accept responsibility and be willing to deal with whatever comes next." Ding-Ding-Ding -- Johnny, we have a winner! This man is a genius. If there were three tips to recovering after making the biggest mistakes in our lives, this would be the magic formula.
1. Apologize -- While we'd all like to think we're perfect, we're not. Apologizing is not the same as making an excuse. Lectures are not apologies. Neither is the phrase "I'm sorry" followed by the word "but..." or letting the reciever know that he/she is not perfect, either. Apologizing is letting someone know you regret the choice you made and hope to have to have a chance to do better in the future. A true apology is sincere and shows concern for the receiver. Because you genuinely care, you feel disappointed in yourself for letting him/her down. If the person you let down is yourself, you still need to apologize.
2. Accepting responsibility -- Admit it. When you own your mistake take your lumps, you can find the joy in making the mistake. No doubt you've experienced both great success and great failure in life. This is just another opportunity to get better.
3. Be willing to deal with the consequences -- Choose to learn from your mis-steps. Spend time analyzing what went wrong and what you can do to ensure it never happens again while understanding that there is always a price to pay for making the mistake in the first place. No excuses allowed.
Alexander Pope wrote, "To err is human; to forgive divine." Good leaders understand that errors, mistakes, and mis-steps are part of business. Richard Branson, English entrepreneur worth over 7 billion, has given some of his employees a second chance even after stealing from him. My first supervisor told me that there was nothing that I did that couldn't be fixed, other than injuring someone on the job. By allowing others to find the joy in making mistakes, leaders open the door for characteristics such as responsibility and accountantability to enter -- two components in a healthy, growing, and prosperous organization.
How do you handle yourself when you make mistakes? When others make mistakes?
Are you ever tired, overwhelmed, or just plain exhaused? Try these 11 steps which I guarantee will de-stress your life and help you find more joy in living.
1. Give yourself a bed time so that you get plenty of rest. If you know you operate better with 8 hours of sleep, parent yourself to ensure you get 8 hours of sleep
2. Start your day ahead of schedule. I don't use an alarm clock; I simply tell my body this is when I want to wake up. Give yourself plenty of time to get up. Remember, if you snooze, you lose. Do not hit the snooze button!
3. Just say "No". While this started off as a campaign for fighting drugs, we should use it to fight off everything in our lives that is stealing from our quality time....keeping us from spending time doing what we truly love.
4. Eat right. Our bodies are energy fields that need proper nutrition. I love to eat junk food -- hot dogs, pizza, chicken wings -- and I eat them when I want to reward myself for good behavior. Feed your body well!
5. Simplify your life. Purchase everything you need, not everything you want and organize your life. When you're organized, you think clearly. You've heard the saying, "Less is More". Less stress = More happiness!
6. Find the joy in the little things. Pay attention to the world around you. Look more. Listen more. Laugh more. Love more. When you find the joy and take life one moment at a time, everything falls into place.
7. Be a friend to have a friend. When we give of ourselves, we make it possible toevelop long-lasting friendships with good people. Seek out people who see your value and love you for who you are.
8. Schedule quality time with yourself. Get to know you. It is the best gift you can give your loved ones. I plan alone time with me every day. Sometimes I take time out for a massage or just to read but I schedule time for me!
9. Live with an attitude of gratitude. Every night before I go to bed, I review the events that took place throughout the day and write down three things for which I'm grateful. This excercise helps me to find the best in others.
10. Forgive. Most people are doing the best they can with what they have in life. Trust that the universe is unfolding just as it should and you are not its manager. Things will not always work out exactly as you imagined.
11. Pray. Ask whatever higher power you believe in for strength throughout the day. For me, it is God. I can do anything through Him. Remember, we can't make it through this journey alone.
Remember, upside thinking is about more happiness, success, and meaning not more happiness, stress, and meaning! Practice de-stressing one day at a time. It will turn into a habit that will bless you throughout your life.
Quit it! Quiet! Don't toot your own horn! Somewhere in life someone has told you that you need to be reserved....that only braggarts talk about themselves and kind, respectable people are modest.
Ladies and gentleman, I have an announcement to make....If you want to learn how to master marketing, you better find a way to dispel these myths and learn how to let the world know about all that you're doing through any and every avenue. Blogging, podcasting, press releases, e-blasts, you need to become a marketing machine. When great things happen, you need to use it to your advantage and let the world know. While humility is a virtue and it's important to share credit with others, you can't expect future clients to be mind readers.
It's only February, I've already had a great year. I won a national Woman of Excellence award, was accepted into Leadership California, finished my first of many books, have had the opportunity to speak at some incredible venues, have received lots of good press about Upside Thinking, and have connected with some amazing men and women in business! Whew! Like I said, it's only February!
What have you been doing lately? What have you accomplished? Who have you told? What's the buzz about you? Do you know? How many people would you estimate know what you've been up to lately? Come on, write those press releases!
YEAH! Upside Thinking is in the press for the third time this month! The Business Press has an article about coaching and Upside Thinking is featured! Check it out!
Leadership is my passion. It is the piece that resonates in my being creating fire in my belly. I enjoy talking about it, speaking about it, learning about it and using it. I Love Leadership!
The Beatles rendition of "Love, love, love -- all you need is love", however, doesn't ring true for me. In any relationship, you need more than love. You need commitment, communication and concern for the other person's well being. Jim and I are involved in a wonderful ministry where we share our faith and love with couples who are engaged. One of the motto's of the organization is love is a decsion, which is very upside. You can always choose love. But, what does love got to do with leadership?
Great leaders make the decision to love their people and they choose to love with a servant's heart. The definition of love is deely caring for a person out of kinship or a sense of oneness. This is an integral part of being a "whole" leader. Great leaders are committed to their employees success, willing to openly communicate and share ideas, and continually show concern for their well-being.
In Buckingham and Coffman's book, "First, Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently", the authors share one of the key discoveries from a Gallup Organization poll. The study was conducted to determine how the best leaders attract, focus and keep talented employees. Over 80,000 managers from all levels across a broad range of countries, industries and companies were interviewed. The most successful companies were companies who had leaders who had answers to 12 questions. Question #5 was, "Does my supervisor or someone at work care about me as a person?" Great leaders care about people. Do you?
May you always choose love on your leadership journey! Ride the Upside!
"The greater thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are going."
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
(Because the past does not determine the future!)
Og Mandino, one of my all-time favorite American writers said, "I will persist until I succeed." When I lived in New Jersey, I volunteered my time to work with the youth in the community. The group gave presentations, listened, and held open discussion forums for teens. The program fulfilled several needs in the community. I participated because I believe the organizers got it right; modeling is one of the best ways to instill excellence into anyone's life.
One of the leaders in this group had a saying, "It's not about the falling down; it's always about the getting back up." None of us is perfect. We're going to make mistakes. We're going to mess up. There are going to be hurt feelings along the way. However, if we are of the mindset that in the end, I will succeed it will be easy to find the unlimited possiblities in our choices.
I encourage you to examine the times when you got back up vs. the times when you decided to give up. Why was it easier to persist and what made you decide to press on?
May you persist until you succeed on your upside journey for that is the stuff great leaders are made of!
A-C-T-I-O-N ~ Action, Action, Action -- we want action. That was the fight cheer at one of the Little League football games when I was growing up. Too often we mistake moving...getting out of bed....for action. Are you just moving through the days, minutes and hours or are you living with purpose? Your purpose is your focus and aim that appears before you clearly every morning and all throughout the day. You know why you need to get out of bed because your purpose is waiting.
One of the three principles of Upside Thinking is "You are where you choose to be." You must choose to take action to live out your purpose. Action, not goals, create results. High-performance comes from action. Excellence comes from action. Self-actualization comes from action. Happiness comes from action. Peace comes from action.
What have you been delaying taking action on? What are you going to commit to act on today?
When I joined the For You Network, which is an affiliate of the National Association of Female Executives, two years ago, one of the founding directors would enthusiastically say again and again, "It's all about showing up." So much of life is about showing up. While this woman often referred to showing up as being necessary to meet others, I believe showing up is more than being physically present for an event or activity, it’s about being intentional -- making the decision to not only attend but to extend.
I've shared with you that over ten years ago, when I was still working in Federal law enforcement, I attended a leadership development class. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go but I made the decision to “show up”. The instructor shared that over 90% of all Americans have no direction or long term plan for their lives. 90%! From that day forward, I was determined to be different and decided to live my life with intention so I wrote my mission statement for life which I've tried to live each and every day. Here is part of it:
• To laugh, love, live & be happy.
• To create magic in my life & the lives of those around me.
• To never judge others for life is hard.
• To achieve balance – physically, mentally & spiritually.
• To welcome open & honest communication.
• To have a smile on my face & joy in my heart.
• To live simply, possessing integrity & courage.
• To find the best in others.
• To understand that the Universe is unfolding just the way it should be.
Many of you make the choice to “show up” every week, every day, every hour, despite the difficulties in your personal lives. Showing up isn't easy and that's what makes it so wonderful when it happens. We may not always feel motivated to keep our commitments and we may also wrestle with the time our countless commitments take, but once you make the decision to show up, magic happens. Physically getting out the door is often the biggest hurdle to showing up. Once we’re there, if we bring all of our self along, it's easy to feel good. (I talk about that at on our Catholic Engaged Encounter weekends.)
It’s not enough to believe you want to live an extraordinary life, you must be committed to it....which means you must be committed to showing up each and every moment of your life.
Show up to knowledge — Look for educational opportunites. They're all around you.
Show up to health — Eat your fruits and veggies and excercise.
Show up to kindness — Be gentle and show courtesy to everyone.
Show up to love — Find the best in others...always....for love is a decision.
Show up to leadership — Create a clear vision and be honest as you forge ahead.
Show up to growth — Be open to new ideas and people in order to expand your thoughts, and actions.
Show up to life – Intentionally live out every moment, attempting to be a better & better you.
I challenge you to make a commitment to continue showing up. It’s amazing what the simple practice of showing up can achieve over time. You don’t need to be brilliant, you just need to be consistent. (Just ask my husband who has been running for over 25 years every morning.) Results accumulate if you keep showing up. I live with an attitude of gratitude. Writing in my journal every night, listing all that I am grateful for, reinforces my decision to choose gratefulness. If I only wrote once in a while, it wouldn't have had a life-changing effect.
Hanging behind my desk when I worked in Newark, NJ was one of my favorite sayings --
Pay attention to your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Pay attention to your words, for your words become your actions.
Pay attention to your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Pay attention to your habits, for your habits become your character,
Pay attention to your character, for your character becomes your destiny.
Whatever you consistently "show up" to will become your destiny. What will be your destiny?